Dating, Relationships, and The Dollar

Dear "It" Girl,

It's Friiiiiddday! I hope you are doing something fun tonight to reward yourself for all the hard work you've done throughout the week. If you are an "It" girl on a budget like many of us are these days (i.e. champagne tastes on a beer pocket), don't let it get you down. I know it's hard not to, especially when you are in or near NYC. Try not to worry so much about money though. I support the old adage: "Do what you love, and the money will follow".

On that note, I wanted to share a recent article I published on a very cool new blog that I will be contributing to. The following article can be found at http://smartsexysassywomen.com/ a great resource for city girls!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

 

The Recession Reframed: Thoughts to Inspire Relational Bliss

By Rachel Russo
Are you sick and tired of hearing the "Negative Nellies" in your life complain about the impact of the economic crisis? Do you feel the need to silence them, reasoning that they might as well stop dwelling on it, as there isn't much that can be done at this point to quickly change the situation?
Perhaps, we can all use this recession as an opportunity to promote positive transformation in our attitudes and relationships. It is no secret that things are bad. However, the value in realizing what mental health professionals do- that a shift in thoughts often equates a shift in behavior- is lesser known. Regardless of your marital status, you can learn to reframe your perspective to attract and maintain healthier, happier relationships.

Singles dating smarter
It's about time the old standby weekly dinner and a movie date had a makeover! While such date nights are often ideal and rewarding in the later stages of courtship, they do not provide those who have just started seeing each other a way to become as deeply acquainted as more recession friendly dates would. Cooking at home, walks through the park, or game nights with friends could facilitate couple bonding and a quicker assessment of compatibility. In addition to the decreased waste of time and money on potential suitors who would be disappointing outside the context of a dark movie theater, both men and women may be more likely to take each person they go out with more seriously. With the trend of online dating making it seem like another date is just a mouse click away, people have started to treat their dates as job interviews. With these superficial meet ups occurring both in the city and in the suburbs, very few people make it past the first round of interviews. If you've grown accustomed to such a style of dating, you may find that spending more time with your dates and saving for big (and less frequent) nights on the town may be an intimacy-inspiring alternative to hunting for more prospects to meet for drinks.

Love can wait
Times of economic hardship are good news for the young committed couples planning to be married with children. As statistics show, a longer courtship is correlated with decreased likelihood of divorce. If the couple's belief system allows for cohabitation, moving in together can help them save money while discovering if sharing a life is really what they both want. Delaying childbirth for close to two years after tying the knot is also correlated with more marital satisfaction-at least in the short term! Putting dreams on hold and working collaboratively to achieve financial goals can certainly make for the foundation of a stronger love and marriage. Our country's economic situation can make it easier and less awkward for young couples to have more open, honest communication about finances. Such can help set the tone for a successful marriage. Couples who are forced to delay marriage because of their lack of funds can benefit from more time to face the challenges of building solid partnerships while integrating their daily lives and families of origin.

Long-terms couples finding new ways to invest
Like bank accounts, relationships need investments to grow. Are you putting enough into your own or taking your partner for granted? With current studies indicating the greatest divorce rate for couples who have been married twenty- plus years, it is clear that many people must treat the present day- recession and all- as the time to work on enhancing their marriages. As you have probably heard, many are choosing marriage counseling over separation, often because divorcing is less affordable. The reality of having to maintain two separate residences is an unattractive option for many of those who've experienced job losses and pay cuts. Couples who have been "hit hard" by the recession may experience tremendous crisis, stress from transitions, or a change in familiar roles. Handled properly, such could be a blessing in disguise that leads to better relationships. For instance, a husband may be out of work for the first time since the couple has been together. With unemployment often leading to depression and less self esteem, he may need to lean on his wife like he never had before. These are the times in which couples grow together or grow apart. Besides offering tremendous opportunities for dyadic growth, the recession can be the perfect chance for couples to get back in touch- physically and emotionally- as they find new ways to save money and their marriages.

Indeed, whether you are single and ready to mingle or married and hoping for change, your chances for relational bliss are all in the reframe!