On Dating: “It” Girls Need Game Plans Too!

Dear "It" Girl,

Does it seems like everywhere you turn people are talking about relationships- wanting them, finding them, losing them, and ideally maintaining them? In my experience, it often seems like everyone, from well-meaning family and friends to the neighborhood Yentas, to the producers of He's Just Not That Into You, has something to say about the best ways to make things work between creatures as diverse as men and women. (Of course, whether men and women are actually more alike than different is up for debate!) However, most modern day dating advice for women who want to improve their romantic relationships generally falls into two categories.

There are those who believe in Karmic principles and subscribe to the age-old golden rule that encourages women to treat men how they want to be treated. (i.e. Don't ignore him today if you don't want him to ignore you tomorrow.) Various types of women may be likely to entertain this belief including the hopeless romantics as well as those who fancy The Secret and/or are committed to their spiritual growth and religiosity.

Then, there are those who believe that men must be trained. (i.e. If he doesn't respond to words, he'll respond to no contact.) Typical promoters of this second school of thought are women who've realized that they were a bit more "skilled" in the relationships and communication department than their male counterparts. Perhaps, life has presented them with a bunch of men with "potential" who needed to molded into a more dateable shape.

While I'm not here to endorse any one team in the dating game, I'd encourage all of my "It" girls to play carefully by making a conscious effort to be aware of their true intentions for their relationships when coming up with a strategy. Facilitating male attachment that can lead to relationship success is a highly individualized process. It's best to steer clear of generic dating advice and analyze its' application to your man on a case by case basis. As always, exercise caution when it comes to matters of the heart.