How to avoid a Stage 5 Clinger

Dear "It" Girl,

Don't let Vince Vaughn's character in The Wedding Crashers fool you: Stage 5 Clingers aren't always females! As an "It" girl, you have most likely experienced the frustration that results from interacting with a man who gets overly attached- too fast and too soon.

It's hard to believe such men like you for you when they barely know you but profess their feelings via texts, calls, and emails just weeks (or days!) after you've met. Most likely, you'll consider such to be hopeless romantics who get the same excitement over every new woman they wish to court. If you'd like room to breathe in a new relationship, you will have to assess for clingy-ness quickly. An hour into Date # 1 is all you need to determine the following:

Does he have a life? He'll be less likely to invade your boundaries if he's "got it going on". If he's unemployed, doesn't have many friends, and has no hobbies, proceed at your own risk!

Does he seem to have major trust issues? You can spot these guys right away. Within the first half hour of your date, they will say that women are evil/psycho and that all their ex girlfriends cheated on them. If he's never learned to trust women, he'll have difficulty trusting you. His insecurity will prompt his desire to keep you at arm's length.

Does he have really low self esteem? This is often obvious, although some men put on a good show. If he doesn't believe he's good enough to keep you around, he'll constantly worry that you'll leave him. He'll do everything to pursue you so that he can validate his own ego. Yes, you are a prize! (His reasoning: If he wins you over, he must be too!) If he's a true catch, he'll muster up a little self respect and keep the clingy-ness in check.

In sum, if you encounter a boring man with low self esteem who can't trust women, beware- you could have a Stage 5 Clinger!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT