Let him go to his "man cave" (It's good for you too!)

Dear "It" Girl,

Have you ever been in a relationship in which your styles of handling arguments were as different as night and day? As reluctant as I am to promote yet another gender stereotype, I must say that I often encounter women who want to talk about it and resolve the problem immediately and men who want to take time to think and/or run away. I know his desire for escapism can cause the ladies much misery, because, I too, have been there.
However, respecting this gender difference may actually be good for your relationship. Want more on why you should let him retreat to his man cave?
Check out this blog:
http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/love-relationships/love-and-romance/men-must-get-away-from-the-source-of-their-stress-that-means-you/

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Girl Power

Dear "It" Girl,

Today has been quite the busy day. I don't want to neglect you, so I will leave you with this: I recently read and discussed a quote that reinforced the tremendous influence and importance of all the ladies in the world. "Without women, all the money in the world would mean nothing." How true is this! When you are feeling down or like the men in your life fail to appreciate you, it is easy to lose touch with the incredible feminine force that you are. Do not forget this. You are (to a large degree!) the very reason that many men in the world get up, shower, shave, get dressed nicely, eat egg beaters, commute two hours to work, work at jobs they love or jobs they hate, workout in crowded gyms, and pay for over-priced bottles, and expensive bachelor pads. You are the reason for life itself. Now start living with the knowledge of your true worth.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Get over your ex by writing a Relationship Obituary

Dear "It" Girl,

If you have recently broken up with your boyfriend or have an old relationship that still haunts you, I have quite the treat for you! The only requirement is that you are willing to reflect on a past relationship in a simple writing exercise. No, you won't be taking a blast from the past tour as the ultimate "It" boy Matthew McConaughey did in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. You will, however, be writing a Relationship Obituary so that you can formally assess the cause of the breakup and allow the relationship to rest in peace! Yes, I am serious!

I recently became acquainted with this brilliant idea in Kathleen Horan's book Relationship Obits,
and even tried the sample Mad Lab exercise at the end of it to help me write my own Relationship Obituary. For ideas on how to write yours, check out http://www.relationshipobit.com. Not only will you have a laugh and a great story to share with your friends, you will find yourself one step closer to closure. Writing such and reading it to yourself on a daily basis until you feel that you are "over it", can be a truly liberating experience. It even beats pints of ice-cream and sappy break-up songs! Best of luck!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

I’m the New York New Relationships Examiner!

Dear "It" Girl,

I wanted to share some exciting news and informational articles that I have recently written. I am now the NY New Relationships Examiner on Examiner.com, which is a fabulous resource on a ton of topics that may be of interest to you. I will be writing three to four articles per week on this website from now on- complete with cute pictures and hyperlinks for your Internet-using pleasure. If you are seeking a new relationship, I'd really recommend following me on this site by frequently checking out my homepage at http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner.

To give you a little preview of what is up there currently; I will say that the articles thus far cover topics from attracting a relationship online to avoiding getting into relationships for a few bad reasons. The first step to attracting the relationship you want is visualizing it and believing you can get it. Feel free to leave comments on the homepage!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

The meaning of Love

Dear "It" Girl,

 

As a Relationship Expert, a lot of people ask me about the meaning of love. I am often perplexed as to how to respond, as I believe love means different things to different people. In a recent blog talk radio interview (on the Coach K of Life Show), I explained how love was such a highly personalized experience and said that one universal definition is seemingly impossible. ( I also referenced my favorite "Love Is" cartoon in my local newspaper, The Herald News.)

If you'd like me to share a bit more with you about my personal feelings on love, I will tell you that I find much truth in the popular Blible quote below:

"Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love."

 

In addition, I must say that as portrayed in the movie, Fireproof,
love sometimes means getting rejected time and time again while still having the same fuzzy feelings for the beloved. Do you agree? What does love mean to you? Has your opinion changed in the last five years; will it change again?

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

The Reasons People Have Affairs

Dear “It” Girl,

Happy Friday! To finish up my writing on the subject of infidelity- for the time being anyway- I will address the most burning question of all. Who hasn’t wondered why affairs occur, often among the most seemingly perfect couples? While there are a tremendous number of factors that influence why a man or woman strays, some common reasons are as follows:

Boredom: When one’s partner is sexually or emotionally unavailable for a considerable period of time, improving the relationship may seem hopeless. Instead of trying to work on the difficulties and strengthen the bond , some people may grow bored and develop a bit of a roaming eye. As the cliché goes, the grass always looks greener on the other side. Boredom can also result from unrealistic ideas about love and marriage. Yes, “It” Girl, you deserve to be swept off your feet, but your daily life with your man of choice can’t always be like it is in the movies!

Lack of connection: Some affairs are merely a cry for attention. They are likely to result from poor communication skills and the inability of men and women to express their needs and desires. Ladies, men are not mind readers; you must tell them what you want if you have any hope of getting it! Honesty can bring the two of you closer together.

The attempt to kill two birds with one stone: Ah, the affair with a purpose. Perhaps what first comes to mind is the type which occur in the workplace, those which are carried out with a clear goal in mind. (Promotion, anyone?) Some may consciously choose to have affairs as away to retaliate for their spouse’s past philandering, experiment with their sexual identity (i.e. the homosexual affair), or end their marriages. The “exit affair” can be an attempt to end the marriage in a way that is more comfortable for the betrayer than the betrayee. Couple’s therapists are on to those who’d prefer to get into counseling, drop the “C” bomb, and have their partners leave them first.

If you’ve got the hunch that your man may be getting a bit antsy and looking elsewhere for any of the reasons, have a conversation about it with him today! Better to nip the problem in the bud, before letting things get out of hand.

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats. ( i.e. You can skip the digging your "key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive")

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

The Impact Of The Internet On Relationships

Dear "It" Girl,

"It" girls reserve the right to change their minds at all times, and so I am changing the agenda a bit for today's blog. Tomorrow, I will resume with one more entry on the topic of infidelity. Today, I'd like to take the opportunity to let you know that I am doing a talk "How the Internet has Redefined Dating and Relationships" this evening in North Jersey. I was invited to speak at The Great Falls Rotary Club Meeting this Thursday evening, July 23rd, at 6:15 PM, at the Riverside Manor.

* If you happen to be in the area, and would like to attend, I will do a presentation on the impact of the Internet on dating and relationships, as well as a 10 min Q &A. The location is on Route 20 at Morlot Avenue Bridge, Paterson, NJ ( 973-689-6360) The cost is $20 and includes dinner. (Hot buffet!)*

To give you a little preview of what I will be discussing, my presentation will include advice for those of all romantic statuses -from those single and ready to mingle to the divorced dudes and divas out there- on using technology to improve their love lives. I'd like to share a little gem with those who can't attend. If you are interested in using the Internet to meet new people, you must check out www.onlinepersonalswatch.com, as it is the Bible of information on online dating. The site includes rankings of Internet dating sites around the world, as well as interviews with CEOS, and can be a great introduction to the world of online dating.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

 

The when and where of the affair

Dear "It" Girl,

When it comes to asking questions about affairs, the betrayed spouse often asks: "Whhhhy?" Such a question is usually followed by who, what, when, and where! In an effort to address the when and where part of the equation, I will tell you that many affairs are correlated with transitional anxiety around life cycle changes. For instance, it is not uncommon for therapists to see husbands who had "one last fling" right before the wedding or young fathers who started an affair shortly after the birth of the first child. (Of course, it is no coincidence that this is right around the time when the wife is likely to be focused on the baby!) Other life cycle stressors that could put a couple at risk for an affair include having an adolescent in the home, launching young adults, and taking care of elderly parents. Indeed, there is truth to the notion of the stereotypical male in a mid life crisis trading in his car and wife for a newer model. Mid life is the perfect time for men and women of the "sandwich generation" to stray.

Where are they finding these new opportunities? To put it simply, affairs are often found on the Internet and at work- and for some, probably on the Internet at work. Unspoken rules are easily broken on the Internet, which is clearly a fertile breeding ground for emotional affairs, as inhibitions are loosened, and the fear of discovery, as well the burden of expense, planning, and STD's are lessened. Although work seems a lot more risky, it also offers an element of convenience. Statistics indicate that the majority of affairs exist in the workplace. Spending time with co-workers is natural and can be facilitated by out of-the-office-parties and happy hour get-togethers. When coffee turns into dinner, and dinner turns into sharing secrets that aren't shared with the significant other, the connection is strengthened. The boundaries of platonic friendship and emotions are blurred. Add sexual intimacy and complete the recipe for marital disaster.

We'll get to the why tomorrow.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

 

Gender Differences In Regard To Infidelity

Dear "It" Girl,

With a goal to provide you with some objective information on the topic of infidelity, I simply must cover the issues around gender. Clearly, there are double standards in regard to the male and female experience of infidelity- namely couples are thought to be worse off when it is the woman and not the man who had the affair. Research confirms what may be obvious in an analysis of popular culture and mass media- the general population is more likely to view infidelity as more acceptable for men as opposed to women. For instance, women "are judged more harshly than men for engaging in unfaithful behaviors and men seem to view women's infidelity as more of a matter for concern than their own " (Sprecher and MicKinney, 1993). In addition, women experience more guilt for extramarital relationships and are more likely to be blamed than men who commit the very same adulterous acts (Mongeau, Hale, and Alles, 1994).

Want to know more? Do your homework on the polarity in the reasons men and women have affairs. Here is a hint: Simply and generally stated, women have affairs to be loved, while men use them to avoid intimacy with their wives and/or lovers. It has been found that women actually gain more emotional satisfaction from their affairs, but also suffer from a greater guilt about their deceptive behaviors than their male counterparts.

Do men get over it more quickly because our society's promotion of a boys-will-be-boys mentality? Perhaps, women feel worse not only because of their gender socialization, but because they are more likely to experience emotional intimacy with their lovers. (Alternately, it could just be the oxytocin!) Men, on the other hand, are generally better able to compartmentalize their sexuality from their emotions throughout the duration of the affairs. What do you think?

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

The Kind Of Help You Will Need For Dealing With Affairs

Dear "It" Girl,

I hate to be Captain Obvious, but infidelity may be one of the most challenging issues long term couples face. You don't have to go at it alone. Get support from relationship coaches, psychotherapists, and trusted friends who've been through similar situations. There are all kinds of self-help books and resources out there. You'll have to find out what is right for you.

If you decide to go to a therapist to deal with the damage of affairs, you will want to choose a professional who is open to the notion that diverse couples define infidelity in even more diverse ways. You will want someone who is capable of recognizing exactly where a couple's affair falls on the continuum of infidelity. From meaningless one night stands and non-commital flings, to romantic love affairs that are integrated into lover's lives, to long term attachments that last years to a marital lifetime, the degree of involvement is meaningful. For instance, someone who has serial affairs is looking to avoid intimacy as opposed to the emotional closeness adulterers seek in affairs with one person. You will want to work with someone who can help you determine the underlying motives for the affair that has troubled you and your partner.

You may need someone who takes emotional affairs seriously, as they are becoming increasingly popular in the current technological age. The thought of wanting to engage in sexual activity or romance with someone else can violate the trust and stability of a relationship in the same way as a more traditional affair that involves physical contact. You want to choose someone who understands that an emotional affair can be just not or even more painful than a traditional affair. You need to work with someone who is non-judgmental and empathetic. With the right type of guidance, you and your partner may be more likely to get through the damage of affairs.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Understanding The Trauma Of Affairs

Dear "It" Girl,

As the saying goes, "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". Try telling that to someone who has been cheated on! While we should have hope that all affairs do not need to be a means to an end of a relationship, we shouldn't underestimate the incredible degree of damage that results from affairs. While love and forgiveness could promote the reconciliation and resilience that can transform a relationship, such is probably the last thing on the betrayed partner's mind. If you feel you've been shot through the heart, know that your reaction is completely normal.

Clearly, men and women alike are deeply troubled by a cheating spouse, often attributing the dishonesty and deceit as the cause of considerable pain. There is a level of trauma to the person who was betrayed that is similar to the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. He or she may experience recurrent, obsessive thoughts, rage, emotional and behavioral distance from the partner, as well as difficulties in concentration and sleep. In addition, intense anxiety is a very common symptom, as there is a loss of control and elusive quality about the future. If a couple makes a decision to stay together and work through their issues, trust must be re-established before their marriage can be strengthened. Throughout this long and difficult process, there will be feelings of confusion, jealousy, violation, rage ,rejection, and obsession. Similar to the stages of mourning a loss, someone betrayed may need to go through the stages of grief- at his/her own pace. Even if the betrayer is completely open and ready to prove his or her whereabouts, it is still understandable that the partner would experience insecurity and suspicion. This is no piece of cake!
How do you think a couple should handle an affair? Would you want total honesty or consider a revelation of the gory details an unnecessary evil? While there are some standard approaches Marriage & Family Therapists use to help people recover from infidelity, each couple must find their own way of getting over the trauma in their own time. One thing is for certain: for true healing to take place, your partner must develop an appreciation for you pain and suffering. ( Without a doubt, there is a lot more required when it comes to healing such suffering, but this is a crucial start!) Sometime's sorry doesn't cut it, and actions do speak louder than words.

Maybe you'll need to hear a sincere apology ten times or maybe one hundred. Don't let him tell you that you need to just get over it. If you relationship is going to survive this test- if you actually want to be able to trust him again- he must have a profound understanding of your suffering and help you understand that he will never let this happen again.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Some Thoughts On Infidelity

Dear "It" Girl,

According to Alain de Botton, the secret to long-last relationships, as revealed in How Proust Can Change Your Life, is infidelity. "Not the act itself, but the threat of it" the author explains. "For Proust, an injection of jealousy is the only thing capable of rescuing a relationship ruined by habit." It seems safe to say that many "It" girls hoping to live up to the ideals of monogamy and hopeful of humanity's power to change, may beg to differ.

Without a doubt, those who subscribe to the dominant American discourse today draw a boundary around the marital union, with the expectation of sexual fidelity. People consider their partner's sex with someone else the ultimate betrayal, and many consider an affair an immediate ground for divorce. Since no marriage is equivalent to the next, an affair can signal a need to pay attention and nurture a relationship just as much as it can be a cue to plan an exit strategy. One thing is for certain: Extramarital affairs can be traced back to the time shortly after Eve ate the forbidden apple!

For many couples, affairs seem to have a long history as a part of the family life cycle, with emotional distress affecting entire family systems. They are difficult for psychotherapists too, as extramarital affairs are described as one of the most challenging conflicts to treat. According to the research, a considerable percentage of couples initiate couple therapy because of infidelity, and still other confess to an affair throughout the duration of treatment. With the problem of infidelity likely to arise in the context of therapy, clinicians must take an interest in preparing themselves to deal with this trying issue. It is my belief that all those desiring healthy, satisfying, long-term relationships must be proactive to reduce the chances of infidelity breaking their hearts.

If you are interested in learning and thinking more about the ways that infidelity impacts relationships, be sure to follow this blog for the next week, as I will focus on the topic in an effort to inspire reflection on this devastatingly common relational issue. Even if you feel it won't affect you, it is always good to be in the know. It may touch the lives of those important to you, and as an "It" girl, you probably want to help people help themselves. Stay tuned =)

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

"It" Girls on Holiday

Dear "It" Girl,

My apologies for neglecting you these past couple of days. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you on my lovely SoCal holiday. Just  a short note to check in- an act some of you are quite used to doing with your significant other whether it be via phone call, email, or text. (Thumbs up to staying in touch with the special people back home- even when on vacation. However, be sure to live in the present moment and enjoy the ones you are with as that is what vacation is all about.)

Anyway, I will still be enjoying my vacation until Thursday, July 16th- basking in the sun, laughing with friends, and getting a taste of the cultural activities that revive and inspire me. I will then be trading my West Coast flip- flops for my  East Coast-sensible black pumps as I return to work in NYC.  With my mind and body in a most relaxed state, the creative juices are sure to be flowing. You can look forward to my regular postings- Mon-Sat, generally before 12 noon- resuming from this Thursday onward. There are lots of great ideas brewing. I hope you'll appreciate the benefits of my time off.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

PS: You have my full permission to take a holiday of your own. We Americans do not take enough. Think about your own  great escape. You deserve it!

A Guest Blogger on How to Maintain an Old Fashioned Relationship in the Modern World

Dear "It" Girl,

I believe that we all have a story to tell. It is very important to listen and learn from your sister "It" girls' experiences and opinions. In this spirit, I have decided to feature an "It" girl who writes about the ways technology is reinventing modern day relationships. If you want the secrets for achieving a healthy relationship in today's text-crazy world, consider what she has to say!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

How to Maintain an Old Fashioned Relationship in the Modern World

By: Erica Manger

In a world full of constant advances in technology, how does one maintain a strong old fashioned relationship? Is it even possible to communicate on a basic human level anymore? Is modern technology contributing to the ever climbing divorce rate? Unfortunately the answer is yes. As we all have heard from our grandparents and parents, communication is the key to any long lasting relationship, be it romantic or just friendship. Without communication, relationships will wither and die leaving both parties with unanswered questions.

Do actions really speak louder than words? The majority of the population texts more than they talk. It's easy, convenient and saves us from having to talk to someone you may not want to (i.e. mother-in-law, boss, nagging sister). The problem with text messaging and email boils down to the words becoming actions. By actions I mean visualized actions. Without being able to see a facial expression, observe ones breathing or a roll of the eyes; we envision the worst possible scenario. We even hear the tone of voice, a note of sarcasm or even yelling. Naturally our next step is respond bit the same hint of sarcasm and maybe even a little bitchy. So starts the endless cycle.

In the beginning of a new relationship it is extremely important to be completely clear as to what you are saying. Any misinterpretation, even minor, can be the end of a new beginning. Pick up that phone a dial a phone number not letters on the key pad. Start your relationship off the right way and it will pay off.

A brand new 50" HD LCD plasma TV with surround sound must bring happiness. Who wouldn't want that? You come home after a hard days work, sit in your favorite chair and pop in a flick or video game. Surely that will make for an interesting evening. Well, guess again. I hate to break it to every man out there, but watching a guy play video games or scream at the TV does not turn us on. What it says is that the TV is more interesting than we are. Find activities that you both enjoy such as yoga, kickboxing, zoos, museums, or even taking the dog to the park.

I have found that it is extremely important for a woman to express her desires in the beginning. You can't settle a man into a bad habit. He becomes accustomed to always doing what he wants to do and ignore your desires. You must find a common ground in order to establish a healthy and meaningful relationship. Always remember. . . . . you count!! If he
doesn't understand that, then it's time to move on. As I always say, don't give up what you want most for what you can get right now.

A Little First Aid For The Broken-Hearted

Dear "It" Girl,

Did you ever break up with a boyfriend and feel that there wasn't one radio station you could listen to, one city avenue you could walk, or one romantic comedy you could watch that didn't remind you of him? Ms. Carrie Bradshaw herself so eloquently captures the pain of relationships that have come to an end:

"After a break-up, certain streets, locations, even times of the day are off- limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces."

Indeed, some of the most respectable love gurus encourage women to get rid of anything and everything that remind them of their ex. While this is often easier said than done, it is something that would be incredibly helpful nonetheless. Some swear by the "I don't chase, I replace mentality". The take home-message here is that after a breakup, there is a need to let go. Getting over it or moving on from an unhealthy or no- longer –mutually- fulfilling- partnership is mental health at its' best. However, instead of joining the ranks of women who desperately attempt to replace in the form of a new man, I urge you, "It" girl, to replace the time spent loving your ex with time spent loving yourself.

Are you confused about how to begin the journey of mending a broken heart? Look both within and outside of yourself. Interact with positive people who have lives and relationships that you admire. Seek out self- nurturing activities and experiences that remind you of the beautiful and strong women that you are.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Supporting Your Man After The Layoff

Dear "It" Girl,

In an ideal world, work may be closely related to our interests, so that it reflects who we are and feels more like play. Many people say: "Do what you love, and the money will follow". Does that seem unrealistic for you and your partner in today's economy? Has your worst-case-scenario just occurred in the form of a layoff? What happens to your relationship when you are clocking hours in a promising career and your man has recently gotten laid off?

To begin with, you may face some new challenges as a couple, because unemployment can change daily interaction as well as your relationship dynamic. You are not alone- many couples suffer during such times of transition. If your boyfriend or husband loses his job, he may become irritable and depressed. His changes in mood could lead to relational difficulties, but a true "It" girl would use the opportunity to strengthen the relationship.

Be sure to encourage him to stay positive about his efforts to get through the tough times and find new employment. To keep fights at bay, it may be worthwhile to put yourself in his shoes.

Realize that men have often been exposed to powerful messages about the world of work ever since they were little boys. If he sees the job loss as a failure to be the provider he was socialized into being or has considered his career a large part of his identity, his self-esteem my plummet. Try to develop empathy by engaging him in conversation about job hunting, networking, or whatever else he is doing. If he doesn't want to talk about it, respect that too. Yes, having compassion can be a little difficult when you arrive home from another hard day on the job to find him watching cartoons in his pjs for the third day in a row.

Take a deep breath. Remember the Golden Rule. If the situation was reversed, how would you want him to treat you?

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Celebrate Your Independence- Within The Context Of Your Relationship!

Dear "It" Girl,

Happy 4th of July to all of you Independent Women! God Bless America, all of the "It" Girls who rock the world, and all of the "It" Boys who love or will love them! As many people in the business of love would concur, independence is often the key to a healthy, satisfying relationship.

While you are the only one who could truly decide what a healthy, satisfying relationship means to you, there are some general guidelines/suggestions that I include here in my blog. From my perspective, it's really all about two strong people who are great separate and even greater when they come together. Maintaining our identities in the context of close relationships can be quite the challenge, especially on vacation! In the spirit of the holiday, I'll share a recent article I wrote about this topic du jur. You can check it out "How To Survive & Thrive On A Vacation With Your Long-Term Partner" here http://www.paramuspost.com/article.php/20090702062521557

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Are You Running From Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right?

Dear "It" Girl,

It has often occurred to me that singers would have nothing to write about if relationships were easy! Just flip through the stations and count all the songs about love and heartache. It doesn't have to be this way, and some of us could make our lives a lot easier if we were just able to attract the "right" people.

As, I mentioned last night in my interview on The Coach K Show, a lot of people seem to repeat the same patterns over and over, essentially having the same relationships with different people. Does this sound like you? Do they always seem so great in the beginning until x, y, and z start happening?

Perhaps, you need to figure out your attraction template. A little exploration of your past relationships as well as your experiences with your parents from early childhood and beyond could work wonders in helping you stop falling for all of the wrong men. I strongly recommend that you read Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix to promote a deeper understanding of yourself in a relational context. This book could help you understand why you may be subconsciously sending signals to the type of guys you (and often no one else!) should be dating.

Don't rule out the possibility that you are a commitment phobe! A lot of us "It" girls think we want love but end up running in the other direction when it comes our way. Ask yourself, what are you running from? Who would inspire sprinting?

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Get Rid Of Him, "It" Girl

Dear "It" Girl,

You probably know that there is nothing more infurating than finding out the man you were once so happily dating is one big dissappointment after the next. When it comes down to it, you know that there are only two options: let it go or find a path and work your way through it.

All too often, we women have what I'd like to call "blind faith". A few good memories with a guy can keep us holding on to something that is more of a fantasy than reality. The truth is scary, but it can also be liberating.

In Revolutionary Road, Kate Winslet's character says: "You were just a boy who made me laugh at a party." Are, you, too, in a relationship in which it has become apparent that there is no real connection or future? Perhaps, it's difficult to tell. Here are some redflags for a relationship that would take a cold day in hell to make you happy. Ask yourself, is your man:

A player?
It" girls don't have to share.

Incapable of living up to promises?
A man is only as good as his word.

Preoccupied? If he's too self absorbed or obsessed with sports, video games, or anything else, why bother trying to compete for his attention?

Unable to see the value in you? Do you really want to be dating a fool?

Going nowhere: You deserve someone with the same attitude and level of success. Dead end jobs = dead end guys.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

PS: Be sure to tune into my radio interview on the Coach K of Life Show on Blog Talk Radio at 6PM this Thursday night. I hope you will listen at the link below or call in to hear the show and ask me your dating questions at 347 215 6359. http://tobtr.com/s/589830

I'm On The Radio: Relationship & Dating Talk On The Coach K of Life Show

Dear "It" Girl,

I'm very excited to share this with all of you! This Thursday, July 2nd, at 6 PM, I will be the featured guest on The Coach K of Life Show. This is my first-ever radio interview, and I'd love it if you can all show your support by listening either at your computer or via phone.

If you can pass this on to an "It" girl or two, I'd greatly appreciate it. For more details about the show and the link to listen, click on the following website and scroll down until you see my photo/info. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/The-Coach-K

If you can't be near a computer, please call in at (347) 215-6359. I'll let you in on a secret- you can call in with questions during the last fifteen minutes of the show. Be easy on me =)

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT