Posts
Dear "It" Girl,
Samantha’s thoughts on the “L” word can certainly inspire thought about the meaning of love and the nature of commitment.
“Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent,” she says.
For some, love and commitment go hand in hand, while others have much reason to doubt the notion that “love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage”. (Wow, did I really just write that!?)
On many the occasion, people have liked to ask someone such as myself to define love. Like I told Coach K in my interview on the “All You Need Is Love” show, I simply cannot, as love is such a personalized experience, meaning so many different things to so many people. (Heck, love even means so many different things to the same person!) Since love is always growing-until it dies that is- it’s always acquiring new definitions.
What I do know is this:
One doesn’t have to be committed to another to love him or her. Surely, love can exist throughout time even when it is unrequited. (Just look at all the great literary and musical works!) Sometimes loving someone can even mean not committing. The real commitment in love is loving with the mere hope and no guarantee that your love will result in you being loved in return. In essence, it is giving all and expecting nothing that makes for one meaning of true love.
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
He Ain't Mr. Right- He's Mr. Right Now!
Dear "It" Girl,
Regarding Mr. Right Now, Carrie Bradshaw once said: "He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress. You know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway." - Sex and the City
Ah, yes, Ms. Bradshaw captures a very common desire of the modern day “It” girl, namely enjoying the “meantime” by having fun with Mr. Right Now.
Often, Mr. Right Now has personality traits and life circumstances that are more wrong then right for you. For some, his wrongness,coupled with his convenience, make him that much more irresistable.
If you aren’t worried about a biological clock ticking and can wait to make your debut to the alter, there are some benefits of trying such a man on for size. Remember every man with whom you date, mate, and relate has the potential to provide you with valuable learning lessons on yourself, life, relationships, sex, and love. He'll also make great stories for your friends. Enjoy while you can, as this too shall pass!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Regarding Mr. Right Now, Carrie Bradshaw once said: "He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress. You know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway." - Sex and the City
Ah, yes, Ms. Bradshaw captures a very common desire of the modern day “It” girl, namely enjoying the “meantime” by having fun with Mr. Right Now.
Often, Mr. Right Now has personality traits and life circumstances that are more wrong then right for you. For some, his wrongness,coupled with his convenience, make him that much more irresistable.
If you aren’t worried about a biological clock ticking and can wait to make your debut to the alter, there are some benefits of trying such a man on for size. Remember every man with whom you date, mate, and relate has the potential to provide you with valuable learning lessons on yourself, life, relationships, sex, and love. He'll also make great stories for your friends. Enjoy while you can, as this too shall pass!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Monday, September 28, 2009
You, your man, and your friends: Can't we all just get along?!
Dear "It" Girl,
In one Sex & The City episode, Mr. Big said:
“I know your friends fine. Charlotte is the brunette, Miranda is the redhead and Samantha is trouble.”
Surely, he was just making a joke. Any good man would know more about his girl’s friends than that. Mr. Big did accept and respect the importance of the friends in Carrie’s life. (He even kept his cool when Charlotte infamously shouted: “I curse the day you were born.”) Ideally, your boyfriend would do the same.
He doesn't, huh? Is he the problem? Or are your friends the problem? Whatever the case may be, if you dislike the relationship between you, your boyfriend, your friends, and his friends, you must read my latest article on Examiner.com.
Just copy this link in your browser for pointers on how to deal with relational problems involving friends. http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d28-The-Friend-Factor-What-to-do-when-friends-negatively-impact-your-relationship
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
In one Sex & The City episode, Mr. Big said:
“I know your friends fine. Charlotte is the brunette, Miranda is the redhead and Samantha is trouble.”
Surely, he was just making a joke. Any good man would know more about his girl’s friends than that. Mr. Big did accept and respect the importance of the friends in Carrie’s life. (He even kept his cool when Charlotte infamously shouted: “I curse the day you were born.”) Ideally, your boyfriend would do the same.
He doesn't, huh? Is he the problem? Or are your friends the problem? Whatever the case may be, if you dislike the relationship between you, your boyfriend, your friends, and his friends, you must read my latest article on Examiner.com.
Just copy this link in your browser for pointers on how to deal with relational problems involving friends. http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d28-The-Friend-Factor-What-to-do-when-friends-negatively-impact-your-relationship
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Thursday, September 24, 2009
If men are drugs, here is your rehab!
Dear "It" Girl,
A wise SATC character once said:
“Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high."”
Indeed, our romantic relationships often feel like an emotional roller coaster! Yesterday's blog was about friendship. Every girl needs friends to be happy for her when she's "love drunk" and there for her when she is emotionally hungover. Unfortunately, good friends, like good men, can be hard to find.
Online communities can provide the chances to get support and start friendships with women who can help you deal with love and life.
I've started a group on Beauties On The Go, an incredible online resource for women, that is all about helping women find and keep true love. http://beautiesonthego.ning.com/group/relationships. I hope you'll join my group there and contribute to the discussion.
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
A wise SATC character once said:
“Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high."”
Indeed, our romantic relationships often feel like an emotional roller coaster! Yesterday's blog was about friendship. Every girl needs friends to be happy for her when she's "love drunk" and there for her when she is emotionally hungover. Unfortunately, good friends, like good men, can be hard to find.
Online communities can provide the chances to get support and start friendships with women who can help you deal with love and life.
I've started a group on Beauties On The Go, an incredible online resource for women, that is all about helping women find and keep true love. http://beautiesonthego.ning.com/group/relationships. I hope you'll join my group there and contribute to the discussion.
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Could you just be, well, lonely?
Dear "It" Girl,
Initially, after ending an unsatisfying relationship that was way past its’ due date, many women feel a sense of relief. They may celebrate with their single girlfriends, get a stylish new haircut, or buy the season’s must- have accessory. (Anything that makes them feel good about the new single status does the trick!)
As time passes on, some women feel that they have really moved on, despite the fact that they haven’t dated anyone else in months. Some acknowledge that something isn’t right, but can’t quite put a finger on it. It may manifest in sleepless nights or the emptiness that brings a girl to the cookie jar time and time again.
Have you been there? Did you ever stop to think that you were just, perhaps, lonely?
If so, assess the relationships in your life, especially your close friendships or lack thereof. Do you have a strong support system that you can rely on for advice or laughs when you need to kick back and relax? A great friend who can always distract you from life’s unpleasantness.
Remember: “Friends are the angels who can lift your wings when you’ve forgotten to fly.” From break-ups to make-ups, hold on to yours.
Need inspiration? It worked for the Sex & The City girls!
Love Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: Although they aren’t exactly the cure for the lonely, “textationships” are a comfort to many. Have you seen my latest article about the joys of textationships here http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d22-Textationships-defined-Ten-reasons-to-be-in-a-texing-relationship-with-a-man
PPS: You could just get a puppy!
Initially, after ending an unsatisfying relationship that was way past its’ due date, many women feel a sense of relief. They may celebrate with their single girlfriends, get a stylish new haircut, or buy the season’s must- have accessory. (Anything that makes them feel good about the new single status does the trick!)
As time passes on, some women feel that they have really moved on, despite the fact that they haven’t dated anyone else in months. Some acknowledge that something isn’t right, but can’t quite put a finger on it. It may manifest in sleepless nights or the emptiness that brings a girl to the cookie jar time and time again.
Have you been there? Did you ever stop to think that you were just, perhaps, lonely?
If so, assess the relationships in your life, especially your close friendships or lack thereof. Do you have a strong support system that you can rely on for advice or laughs when you need to kick back and relax? A great friend who can always distract you from life’s unpleasantness.
Remember: “Friends are the angels who can lift your wings when you’ve forgotten to fly.” From break-ups to make-ups, hold on to yours.
Need inspiration? It worked for the Sex & The City girls!
Love Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: Although they aren’t exactly the cure for the lonely, “textationships” are a comfort to many. Have you seen my latest article about the joys of textationships here http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d22-Textationships-defined-Ten-reasons-to-be-in-a-texing-relationship-with-a-man
PPS: You could just get a puppy!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Pink & Blue in Love...(or something like it!)
Dear “It” Girl,
Who among us hasn’t given our man an ultimatum at one point or another? If you are like most women, your ultimatums stem from the fact that you just need a little more reassurance on where your relationship stands. Often, this involves the “L” word. (i.e. You feel it and say it, and he doesn’t. Or does he? Do drunk “I love you”s’ count?)
Ms. Bradshaw herself is no stranger to the ultimatum. Sometimes her men need a little training. (After all, she was with Mr. Big for TEN YEARS before he ditched her at the alter!) Consider this:
Carrie: Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
Charlotte: Well, how long are you going to give him?
Carrie: Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.
Does this really come down to the male penchant for non-commitment or the innate and learned differences in gender?
Hmmm..women being more expressive about feelings in relationships and men failing to “communicate” about what they are thinking is as old as time. It is also quite stereotypical, but as most people know, there is often some truth to stereotypes. If you can stand and appreciate the differences between pink and blue, you may enjoy the following poem I came across online. Just remember, there are always male and female exceptions to the rule. There is also yellow.
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Light His Fire, Light Her Fire
A woman goes through life with her heart.
A man goes through life with his head.
A man says, "I think," which is the logical response...
A woman says, "I feel," the emotional response.
A man sees the whole or the overview.
A woman sees the details.
A man says,
"In general, what happened?"
A woman says,
"Tell me exactly, word for word, what happened?"
A man works on goals.
A woman works on relationships.
A man says, "I need to feel good about what I do."
A woman says, "I need to feel good about who we are."
A man needs little or no preparation for sex.
A woman needs hours of emotional and mental preparation.
A man is stimulated by sight.
A woman is stimulated by words.
Who among us hasn’t given our man an ultimatum at one point or another? If you are like most women, your ultimatums stem from the fact that you just need a little more reassurance on where your relationship stands. Often, this involves the “L” word. (i.e. You feel it and say it, and he doesn’t. Or does he? Do drunk “I love you”s’ count?)
Ms. Bradshaw herself is no stranger to the ultimatum. Sometimes her men need a little training. (After all, she was with Mr. Big for TEN YEARS before he ditched her at the alter!) Consider this:
Carrie: Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
Charlotte: Well, how long are you going to give him?
Carrie: Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.
Does this really come down to the male penchant for non-commitment or the innate and learned differences in gender?
Hmmm..women being more expressive about feelings in relationships and men failing to “communicate” about what they are thinking is as old as time. It is also quite stereotypical, but as most people know, there is often some truth to stereotypes. If you can stand and appreciate the differences between pink and blue, you may enjoy the following poem I came across online. Just remember, there are always male and female exceptions to the rule. There is also yellow.
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Light His Fire, Light Her Fire
A woman goes through life with her heart.
A man goes through life with his head.
A man says, "I think," which is the logical response...
A woman says, "I feel," the emotional response.
A man sees the whole or the overview.
A woman sees the details.
A man says,
"In general, what happened?"
A woman says,
"Tell me exactly, word for word, what happened?"
A man works on goals.
A woman works on relationships.
A man says, "I need to feel good about what I do."
A woman says, "I need to feel good about who we are."
A man needs little or no preparation for sex.
A woman needs hours of emotional and mental preparation.
A man is stimulated by sight.
A woman is stimulated by words.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The joys of unconventional relationships
Dear "It" Girl,
The- Sex& The City-inspired-quote-of-the-day:
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
Interpret it as you will. One thing is for certain: It is sure to speak to the desires of "It" girls everywhere to avoid conforming to society's notion of relationship ideals.
Perhaps, for some women it means dating unconventional men, dating unconventional women, or not dating at all. It can imply anything from friends with benefits to marrying for the first time at forty five. There can be joy in all of the above if you believe there can be.
It should all be fine, really, as there is much to be said for making your own protocol. When it comes to matters of the heart, do not let others tell you how to live your life. Yes, you should consider the advice of others-especially if they are who you wish to be, but,ultimately it is your life. It's up to you, kid!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
The- Sex& The City-inspired-quote-of-the-day:
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
Interpret it as you will. One thing is for certain: It is sure to speak to the desires of "It" girls everywhere to avoid conforming to society's notion of relationship ideals.
Perhaps, for some women it means dating unconventional men, dating unconventional women, or not dating at all. It can imply anything from friends with benefits to marrying for the first time at forty five. There can be joy in all of the above if you believe there can be.
It should all be fine, really, as there is much to be said for making your own protocol. When it comes to matters of the heart, do not let others tell you how to live your life. Yes, you should consider the advice of others-especially if they are who you wish to be, but,ultimately it is your life. It's up to you, kid!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Friday, September 18, 2009
Soooo...should we "hookup"?
Dear “It Girl,
Let’s cut to the chase: today’s blog is about s-e-x! After all, it is a large part of Sex & The City and pop culture today. How can I not cover the topic of casual sex and hooking up that affects high school, college age, and twenty to thirty somethings everywhere? (Come on, even your mom is likely to know what “hooking up” means!)
The decision to engage in such is high personalized and something that should be in agreement with one’s personal values and ethical standards. With my clinical training in mind, I would not wish to promote the hook up culture for everyone. I encourage people to explore the pros and cons and how it may impact their lives.
Sister “It” Girl, Jessica Berdan, has done just that. You can read her blog entry on the sexy subject below. It also appears in her new blog, http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/, which focuses on dating and relationship issues among college students. Check her out!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
By Jessica Berdan:
One of the reasons why Sex and the City created such a buzz and generated such a loyal and devoted following was because it was the first show to introduce and even glorify the hook-up culture. People were introduced to this shift in our dating culture. A combination of events in the past 50 years have led to this new cultural embracement of hooking up (social phenomena). The advent of the birth control pill led to the promiscuity of the 70’s; and now people are getting married later. The average age that people marry is 26 for women and 27 for men, so now it is more and more acceptable to be intimate with a person if you’re not married or exclusive. Hooking up is a very broad term, as I’ve found when trying to pin down the exact definition on urbandictonary.com. But the hooking up I’m talking about is the practice of engaging in sexual relations (all the way from kissing to sex) without a commitment or sense of exclusivity.
The Characters of SATC, especially Samantha Jones, glorified hooking up and made women feel more accepted doing it. They showed that hooking up isn’t slutty, but rather being confident in exuding your sexuality. Samantha can definitely hold her own in her male-dominated PR field and as she climbed up the corporate ladder she showed us that being assertive can get you what you want. as she climbed up the corporate ladder. Samantha was never concerned with what other people thought, as she always came first, even at the end when she chose herself over her boyfriend, Smith Jared. Independence and self-confidence embody the hook-up culture because they allow women to see that it’s okay to satisfy their every need and desire whether it be physically, emotionally, romantically, socially, or professionally. This shift? may be this is the after-effect of the women’s rights movement.
While SATC had an undeniable influence on our society’s perception of sex and the loosening up on relationship norms, it created the greater acceptance of the independent (single)women lifestyle. So what’s next? I definitely have been noticing a narrowing of the double standard. My Couple’s Relationships teacher, Professor Rubin, recently mentioned in my Couple’s Relationships class that only 60% of men and 41% of women 50 years ago (65 and over) had sexual relations before the age of 18. But now, 91% of men ages 18-26 have had sexual relations by the age of 18 and 83% of women ages 18-26 have had sexual relations by the age of 18. That is a significant 35% increase in just 50 years! These changes really reflect our societal expectations. Our societal restrictions have been loosened, making hooking up more acceptable. I have been living and learning from the stories of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte and if they taught me anything it’s that hooking up is okay and it can help me on my way to finding love.
Let’s cut to the chase: today’s blog is about s-e-x! After all, it is a large part of Sex & The City and pop culture today. How can I not cover the topic of casual sex and hooking up that affects high school, college age, and twenty to thirty somethings everywhere? (Come on, even your mom is likely to know what “hooking up” means!)
The decision to engage in such is high personalized and something that should be in agreement with one’s personal values and ethical standards. With my clinical training in mind, I would not wish to promote the hook up culture for everyone. I encourage people to explore the pros and cons and how it may impact their lives.
Sister “It” Girl, Jessica Berdan, has done just that. You can read her blog entry on the sexy subject below. It also appears in her new blog, http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/, which focuses on dating and relationship issues among college students. Check her out!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
By Jessica Berdan:
One of the reasons why Sex and the City created such a buzz and generated such a loyal and devoted following was because it was the first show to introduce and even glorify the hook-up culture. People were introduced to this shift in our dating culture. A combination of events in the past 50 years have led to this new cultural embracement of hooking up (social phenomena). The advent of the birth control pill led to the promiscuity of the 70’s; and now people are getting married later. The average age that people marry is 26 for women and 27 for men, so now it is more and more acceptable to be intimate with a person if you’re not married or exclusive. Hooking up is a very broad term, as I’ve found when trying to pin down the exact definition on urbandictonary.com. But the hooking up I’m talking about is the practice of engaging in sexual relations (all the way from kissing to sex) without a commitment or sense of exclusivity.
The Characters of SATC, especially Samantha Jones, glorified hooking up and made women feel more accepted doing it. They showed that hooking up isn’t slutty, but rather being confident in exuding your sexuality. Samantha can definitely hold her own in her male-dominated PR field and as she climbed up the corporate ladder she showed us that being assertive can get you what you want. as she climbed up the corporate ladder. Samantha was never concerned with what other people thought, as she always came first, even at the end when she chose herself over her boyfriend, Smith Jared. Independence and self-confidence embody the hook-up culture because they allow women to see that it’s okay to satisfy their every need and desire whether it be physically, emotionally, romantically, socially, or professionally. This shift? may be this is the after-effect of the women’s rights movement.
While SATC had an undeniable influence on our society’s perception of sex and the loosening up on relationship norms, it created the greater acceptance of the independent (single)women lifestyle. So what’s next? I definitely have been noticing a narrowing of the double standard. My Couple’s Relationships teacher, Professor Rubin, recently mentioned in my Couple’s Relationships class that only 60% of men and 41% of women 50 years ago (65 and over) had sexual relations before the age of 18. But now, 91% of men ages 18-26 have had sexual relations by the age of 18 and 83% of women ages 18-26 have had sexual relations by the age of 18. That is a significant 35% increase in just 50 years! These changes really reflect our societal expectations. Our societal restrictions have been loosened, making hooking up more acceptable. I have been living and learning from the stories of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte and if they taught me anything it’s that hooking up is okay and it can help me on my way to finding love.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Is chivalry dead?
Dear "It" Girl,
Do you feel like there are a lack of manners in men today or do the ones in your life still open doors and pull out chairs?
If you are like Carrie, you might be pleased with the slightest of thoughtful gestures..i.e:
Charlotte : "Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia."
Carrie : "Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. I think it's romantic when someone offers me a seat on the subway."
Mind your p's and q's, and you will be more likely to find a guy who does the same. Already fell for a charmer who lacks in the manners department? Don't nag him too much, but positive reinforcement goes a long way. Just accept his flaws and hope for the best.
It takes a real man to give up a subway seat!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Do you feel like there are a lack of manners in men today or do the ones in your life still open doors and pull out chairs?
If you are like Carrie, you might be pleased with the slightest of thoughtful gestures..i.e:
Charlotte : "Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia."
Carrie : "Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. I think it's romantic when someone offers me a seat on the subway."
Mind your p's and q's, and you will be more likely to find a guy who does the same. Already fell for a charmer who lacks in the manners department? Don't nag him too much, but positive reinforcement goes a long way. Just accept his flaws and hope for the best.
It takes a real man to give up a subway seat!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
On looking and feeling fabulous!
Dear “It” Girl,
Remember Carrie & Stanford’s conversation in the episode where they went to the ballet?
Carrie: “Oh god, I love Sleeping Beauty -- the music, the sets, the costumes -- it's so romantic.”
Stanford: “You only like it coz she gets to sleep for a hundred years and she doesn't age.”
Indeed, looking well-rested and youthful is a must for any “It” girl- most especially the single ladies who are hoping to attract great relationships.
Of course, true beauty comes from within and our personalities have the power to make us a lot more appealing than we may be, but let’s face it- Men are visual creatures.We ladies need to look our best!
Between work, school, family, and social obligations, it is often hard for women today to find the time to eat nutritious foods and get the proper amounts of exercise and rest.
It’s so crucial that you make your best attempt to do such things for your overall health and well being. For many of you, that may mean taking the vitamins that you aren’t exactly getting from those late night pizzas and alcohol-inspired brunches! (By the way, have any of you tried Nutirlite dietary supplements? A friend of mine just started selling them, and I can’t wait to try! Whose skin, hair, and nails can’t use a boost these days!? If you are interested, you can find out more here http://emerxhushi.qhealthbeauty.com)
The truth of all truths: When you look fabulous, you will feel fabulous. Believe me, he will notice!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Remember Carrie & Stanford’s conversation in the episode where they went to the ballet?
Carrie: “Oh god, I love Sleeping Beauty -- the music, the sets, the costumes -- it's so romantic.”
Stanford: “You only like it coz she gets to sleep for a hundred years and she doesn't age.”
Indeed, looking well-rested and youthful is a must for any “It” girl- most especially the single ladies who are hoping to attract great relationships.
Of course, true beauty comes from within and our personalities have the power to make us a lot more appealing than we may be, but let’s face it- Men are visual creatures.We ladies need to look our best!
Between work, school, family, and social obligations, it is often hard for women today to find the time to eat nutritious foods and get the proper amounts of exercise and rest.
It’s so crucial that you make your best attempt to do such things for your overall health and well being. For many of you, that may mean taking the vitamins that you aren’t exactly getting from those late night pizzas and alcohol-inspired brunches! (By the way, have any of you tried Nutirlite dietary supplements? A friend of mine just started selling them, and I can’t wait to try! Whose skin, hair, and nails can’t use a boost these days!? If you are interested, you can find out more here http://emerxhushi.qhealthbeauty.com)
The truth of all truths: When you look fabulous, you will feel fabulous. Believe me, he will notice!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Dating advice from Samantha Jones (For real!)
Dear "It" Girl,
Poor Samantha has not been getting enough attention in my blog for this Sex & The City month of September. Well, who would have really thought Ms. Jones of all people could provide my readers with insight on etiquette for first dates?
Think again......
“I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties."
How is this relevant? Well, even if you are a highly political gal, the idea on date number one is not to rock the boat before he's figured out if he'd like to see you again.
You should express your real opinions and not just smile and nod at everything he says. But do you have to start a rant about President Obama and/or George Bush?
Samantha offers a good first date tip in that quote. Do keep things fun and light.
Avoid negativity and bringing up your past relationships and family history, as well as controversial topics like religion or politics.
More advice for those with the first date jitters:
Relax. Keep the conversation flowing, but do not act like you are on a job interview with a list of questions for your date.
Listen as much as you talk.
Do not chew with an open mouth.
If he asks, he pays. So stop doing the fake reach for your purse. "Are you suuuuuure?"
While it is never my place to judge anyone, you should be aware that it is generally not considered proper to sleep with someone on date number one. (Sorry Samantha!)
Happy Dating!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Poor Samantha has not been getting enough attention in my blog for this Sex & The City month of September. Well, who would have really thought Ms. Jones of all people could provide my readers with insight on etiquette for first dates?
Think again......
“I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties."
How is this relevant? Well, even if you are a highly political gal, the idea on date number one is not to rock the boat before he's figured out if he'd like to see you again.
You should express your real opinions and not just smile and nod at everything he says. But do you have to start a rant about President Obama and/or George Bush?
Samantha offers a good first date tip in that quote. Do keep things fun and light.
Avoid negativity and bringing up your past relationships and family history, as well as controversial topics like religion or politics.
More advice for those with the first date jitters:
Relax. Keep the conversation flowing, but do not act like you are on a job interview with a list of questions for your date.
Listen as much as you talk.
Do not chew with an open mouth.
If he asks, he pays. So stop doing the fake reach for your purse. "Are you suuuuuure?"
While it is never my place to judge anyone, you should be aware that it is generally not considered proper to sleep with someone on date number one. (Sorry Samantha!)
Happy Dating!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Monday, September 14, 2009
There is someone for EVERYONE
Dear "It" Girl,
Did you ever walk down the street and think: How did SHE get that gorgeous piece of man? Obviously, you are prettier, better dressed, and far more intelligent than HER.
Instead of going off on an ego trip or entering into a depressive state, look at this couple as hope! Don't give up on meeting someone special or lose faith in the all-too-frustrating singles scene. (Do, however, consider a change in venue!) The search for someone half-way dateable can be exhausting. Just remember that love comes in all shapes and sizes. As Carrie explains, there really is someone for everyone:
Carrie: "You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better."
Don't stop believing! =)
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: If you think you might meet him in a bar (of all places! Ha!), be sure to check out my latest Examiner.com article for tips on increasing your chances of starting a solid new relationship. Check it out here: http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d13-Meet-your-next-boyfriend-in-a-bar-seriously-though
Did you ever walk down the street and think: How did SHE get that gorgeous piece of man? Obviously, you are prettier, better dressed, and far more intelligent than HER.
Instead of going off on an ego trip or entering into a depressive state, look at this couple as hope! Don't give up on meeting someone special or lose faith in the all-too-frustrating singles scene. (Do, however, consider a change in venue!) The search for someone half-way dateable can be exhausting. Just remember that love comes in all shapes and sizes. As Carrie explains, there really is someone for everyone:
Carrie: "You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better."
Don't stop believing! =)
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: If you think you might meet him in a bar (of all places! Ha!), be sure to check out my latest Examiner.com article for tips on increasing your chances of starting a solid new relationship. Check it out here: http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d13-Meet-your-next-boyfriend-in-a-bar-seriously-though
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Funny guys are good for your heart
Dear "It" Girl,
You know you always had a crush on the class clown! Did you know that women visit mathcmakers, a guy with a sense of humor is often number one on their checklist of desired traits in a mate? (I, personally, always appreciate a guy who has me laughing until my stomach hurts!)
Mr. Big had it right: He said, "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."
Funny guys have been winning women's hearts from the beginning of time, and recent studies show laughter is actually good for the heart!
"The old saying that 'laughter is the best medicine,' definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart," says Michael Miller, M.D., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center and a professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. "We don't know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that mental stress is associated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This can cause a series of inflammatory reactions that lead to fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries and ultimately to a heart attack."
For more on the research, check out http://www.umm.edu/features/laughter.htm
Keep LoLing, girls!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
You know you always had a crush on the class clown! Did you know that women visit mathcmakers, a guy with a sense of humor is often number one on their checklist of desired traits in a mate? (I, personally, always appreciate a guy who has me laughing until my stomach hurts!)
Mr. Big had it right: He said, "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."
Funny guys have been winning women's hearts from the beginning of time, and recent studies show laughter is actually good for the heart!
"The old saying that 'laughter is the best medicine,' definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart," says Michael Miller, M.D., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center and a professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. "We don't know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that mental stress is associated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This can cause a series of inflammatory reactions that lead to fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries and ultimately to a heart attack."
For more on the research, check out http://www.umm.edu/features/laughter.htm
Keep LoLing, girls!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
On Loving You
Dear "It" Girl,
As you probably know or can imagine, being in a relationship can be wonderful.(Yes, it can be hellish too!) The same goes for being single.
If you are single and thinking the grass would be greener on ther arms of Mr. Right,remember that someone's ability to love you is often based upon your ability to love yourself.
If you are convinced you can't be truly happy unless you are coupled up, think again. Take it from Carrie Bradshaw:
“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
As you probably know or can imagine, being in a relationship can be wonderful.(Yes, it can be hellish too!) The same goes for being single.
If you are single and thinking the grass would be greener on ther arms of Mr. Right,remember that someone's ability to love you is often based upon your ability to love yourself.
If you are convinced you can't be truly happy unless you are coupled up, think again. Take it from Carrie Bradshaw:
“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Dear "It" Girl,
If anyone ever claims that Sex & The City does not teach both women and men valuable lessons, quote this:
Carrie: "When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies."
The lesson Ms. Bradshaw so eloquently conevys is that we should not judge any other person in the context of his/her romantic relationship. We can never really know what goes on in glass houses, behind closed doors, and between two people.
What works for you may not work for your best friend. It's easy to point the finger at the woman who goes back with the cheating husband, but can you really say you'd never attempt to work things out with someone who you walked down the aisle, built a life with, and loved for decades? Maybe you can, but most likely, you can't really be sure how you will feel experiencing something until you experience it!
Some women think (serial) monogamy is the only kid on the block, while others prefer to date around until they have princess cut diamonds on their french manicured fingers. Who are you to judge?
If you are constantly judging others, you can't be a very happy person, "It" girl, now can you?
As Rita Mae Brown once said, "I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself." To each, her own!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
If anyone ever claims that Sex & The City does not teach both women and men valuable lessons, quote this:
Carrie: "When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies."
The lesson Ms. Bradshaw so eloquently conevys is that we should not judge any other person in the context of his/her romantic relationship. We can never really know what goes on in glass houses, behind closed doors, and between two people.
What works for you may not work for your best friend. It's easy to point the finger at the woman who goes back with the cheating husband, but can you really say you'd never attempt to work things out with someone who you walked down the aisle, built a life with, and loved for decades? Maybe you can, but most likely, you can't really be sure how you will feel experiencing something until you experience it!
Some women think (serial) monogamy is the only kid on the block, while others prefer to date around until they have princess cut diamonds on their french manicured fingers. Who are you to judge?
If you are constantly judging others, you can't be a very happy person, "It" girl, now can you?
As Rita Mae Brown once said, "I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself." To each, her own!
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Monday, September 7, 2009
Cheating in relationships: black, white, or grey?
Dear "It" Girl,
How do you define cheating in your romantic relationships?
For some it may be black and white, but for others determining what exactly constitutes a breach in commitment is highly personalized-even among couples who have open relationships. Every couple has unspoken rules, and every women has drawn her own conclusions on infidelity.
Leave it to no other than the Sex & The City girls to illurstrate the shades of grey in terms of affairs.
Carrie: Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
And for an additional explantation on cheating:
Samantha: The act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.
Speaking of the act of getting caught, it has been brought to my attention many times in my past practice as a couple's therapis that people go great lengths and create elaborate webs of lies to prevent being discovered. Ohers try to catch their partners in the act.
Apparently, some even try to catch other people's partners! Yesterday, I met a woman in the lovely Long Branch, NJ who we wears gliter filled body lotion to ward off the type of men who conveniently forget to wear their wedding rings when going out on the town!
Glitter and glam aside, have you figured out your own personal stance on cheating?
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
How do you define cheating in your romantic relationships?
For some it may be black and white, but for others determining what exactly constitutes a breach in commitment is highly personalized-even among couples who have open relationships. Every couple has unspoken rules, and every women has drawn her own conclusions on infidelity.
Leave it to no other than the Sex & The City girls to illurstrate the shades of grey in terms of affairs.
Carrie: Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
And for an additional explantation on cheating:
Samantha: The act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.
Speaking of the act of getting caught, it has been brought to my attention many times in my past practice as a couple's therapis that people go great lengths and create elaborate webs of lies to prevent being discovered. Ohers try to catch their partners in the act.
Apparently, some even try to catch other people's partners! Yesterday, I met a woman in the lovely Long Branch, NJ who we wears gliter filled body lotion to ward off the type of men who conveniently forget to wear their wedding rings when going out on the town!
Glitter and glam aside, have you figured out your own personal stance on cheating?
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Friday, September 4, 2009
Incurable romantics: Don't search for love here
Dear “It” Girl,
If you are a true Sex & The City fan, you probably remember when Carrie said:
“ I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.”
Are you, too, an incurable romantic looking for love in all the wrong places?
Yesterday, I gave you the link to my article that provided you with ten places in NYC to find dateable men. Today, I offer you advice on where NOT to find them.
Check it out here: http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d4-Where-not-to-find-love-in-NYC
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
If you are a true Sex & The City fan, you probably remember when Carrie said:
“ I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.”
Are you, too, an incurable romantic looking for love in all the wrong places?
Yesterday, I gave you the link to my article that provided you with ten places in NYC to find dateable men. Today, I offer you advice on where NOT to find them.
Check it out here: http://www.examiner.com/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d4-Where-not-to-find-love-in-NYC
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Labels & Love: It's Sex & The City Month Here!
Dear “It” Girl,
Are you as excited as I am about the Sex & The City sequel premiering May 28, 2010? It seems like it’s quite the long time before we’ll see the fabulous four on the big screen, but it will be soon enough before “It” girls everywhere will be starting cat fights in their local theaters to get the best seats in the house .
I simply can not wait. (Okay, so if you saw the first movie, you know that Charlotte couldn’t either. Shame on you, “It” girl, if you don’t know that she” Poughkeepsied in her pants”!)
In honor of my favorite HBO series of all time and my love of NYC, I am declaring September 2009 Sex&The City month for this blog. This means that I will be writing SATC inspired blog entries every week day from now until September’s end.
Today’s article, was inspired by Carrie’s quote in the first movie. She declared:
“ Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love,”
While many of you may have settled in the big apple for another reason, there’s no doubt that you can use a little assistance on where to look for love. Copy the link below in your browser to read my article that reveals the top ten hotspots. The boys are here:
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d3-Where-to-find-cute-guys-in-New-York-City
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: If you have any ideas-quotes or themes from different episodes- please contact me as soon as possible. I will incorporate them in the blog. You can email me at RachelR2019@gmail.com or contact me on Facebook. My fan page can be found by searching “Rachel Russo, MS, MFT” . If you are following me on Twitter (or would like to!) you can send your message here http://twitter.com/TheRealLoveGuru
Are you as excited as I am about the Sex & The City sequel premiering May 28, 2010? It seems like it’s quite the long time before we’ll see the fabulous four on the big screen, but it will be soon enough before “It” girls everywhere will be starting cat fights in their local theaters to get the best seats in the house .
I simply can not wait. (Okay, so if you saw the first movie, you know that Charlotte couldn’t either. Shame on you, “It” girl, if you don’t know that she” Poughkeepsied in her pants”!)
In honor of my favorite HBO series of all time and my love of NYC, I am declaring September 2009 Sex&The City month for this blog. This means that I will be writing SATC inspired blog entries every week day from now until September’s end.
Today’s article, was inspired by Carrie’s quote in the first movie. She declared:
“ Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love,”
While many of you may have settled in the big apple for another reason, there’s no doubt that you can use a little assistance on where to look for love. Copy the link below in your browser to read my article that reveals the top ten hotspots. The boys are here:
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d3-Where-to-find-cute-guys-in-New-York-City
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
PS: If you have any ideas-quotes or themes from different episodes- please contact me as soon as possible. I will incorporate them in the blog. You can email me at RachelR2019@gmail.com or contact me on Facebook. My fan page can be found by searching “Rachel Russo, MS, MFT” . If you are following me on Twitter (or would like to!) you can send your message here http://twitter.com/TheRealLoveGuru
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Looking for your soul mate? (Yeah,where the heck is he?!)
Dear "It" Girl,
Are you single and wondering how in the world you can attract a new relationship, let alone your soul mate?
If you are in big city like NYC, you may wish God would cut you a break. With all the millions roaming the streets, you reason that you should be able to find ONE person that you click with.
In today's day and age, finding that one can be a challenge anywhere. Read my latest article "Attracting a new relationship by being the one you want to date" for the secret that could bring true love your way. Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d2-Attracting-a-new-relationship-by-being-who-you-want-to-date
Are you single and wondering how in the world you can attract a new relationship, let alone your soul mate?
If you are in big city like NYC, you may wish God would cut you a break. With all the millions roaming the streets, you reason that you should be able to find ONE person that you click with.
In today's day and age, finding that one can be a challenge anywhere. Read my latest article "Attracting a new relationship by being the one you want to date" for the secret that could bring true love your way. Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-16349-NY-New-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d2-Attracting-a-new-relationship-by-being-who-you-want-to-date
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