A Buddhist Approach To Dating And Relationships

Dear "It" Girl,

If you have a long history of relationship troubles, it may be time to broaden your perspective. Perhaps, you can adopt a new philosophy that will really change the way you see things and act in terms of dating. My recommendation? Try a Buddhist approach. Contrary to popular belief, Buddhism is really a philosophy (and not a religion). Its' principles can be applied to dating. Consider the Four Noble Truths:

1. "Life inevitably includes suffering or difficulty." This includes everything from men who don't call, to men who lie, cheat, and otherwise disrespect women. (Not to mention the hardship that results from "irreconcilable differences"!)
   

   
    

2. "Life is painful or difficult because of our attachments." This means our attachments to how things "should" be. Yes, you think he should do x, y, and z, think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and date you exclusively-of course. Guess what? He didn't have a replica of your exact experiences, thoughts, and feelings in his brain, so why should you set yourself up for disappointment by making assumptions about what he should do?
   

   
    

3. "Ease and peace of mind are possible." The pre-requisite? You must learn to practice mindfulness or what Buddhists refer to as "living in the moment". Yoga and deep breathing can help here, but mostly you must train your mind to focus on the present and accept things as they are.
   

   
    

4. "The path toward greater ease and peace is found in the eight fold path: right view, right intentions, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration." When it comes to dating this translates into acting from a place of wisdom (being mindful of dating etiquette), acting ethically, and being able to exist in an almost meditative state.
   

   
    

Are you interested in further broadening your perspective on dating with the use of Buddhist principles? Stay tuned to my blog at www.loverachelrussomft.com for more and be sure to check out Charlotte Kasal's If the Buddha Dated: a Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path. Seek out reading materials, movies, and people who realize that there is never just one approach to anything. To learn more about different mindsets in the dating world, you can also check out a "Fact Sheet" that I recently published on dating around the world here. http://www.ehow.com/facts_5832037_differences-between-american-european-dating.html

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT