How to find your pot: To be or not to be hard to get

Dear "It" Girl,

Recently, a friend pointed out the brilliance in my (solicited) dating advice. Although there was some (alcohol-induced) discrepancy as to how it was initially stated, I said something like this:

"Don't play hard to get, be hard to get; but if you aren't hard to get, don't be hard to get!"

Frequent followers of this blog may identify such as "typical Rachel". Often, the therapist in me will give an answer without giving an answer. (Or is that the lawyer in me?!) Generally, I favor answers that lead to independent thinking and people becoming the best versions of themselves. The truth, when it comes to relationships, you see, is that there is no answer that stands the test of all time for all people. At the end of the day, relationship gurus should be off their high horses, because people usually interpret dating advice like they read fortune cookies- however the heck they want!

Yes, men like challenges. Ever since they were hunting game and we were gathering berries, they developed a penchant for the thrill of the chase. A smart girl may use this piece of information in an authentic way. Pretending to be busy and frequently avoiding calls and texts is not an authentic way. Leading a full and interesting life that leads to a natural avoidance of calls and texts? Now that can work like a charm!

If you are the type of girlfriend who enjoys having your own independent life and a shared life with your boyfriend, then maintain that throughout the early stages of dating and beyond. (And this is my strong recommendation for relational bliss!) If, however, you plan to be a "stage five clinger" throughout the duration of the desired relationship with desired guy you are dating, you need to show that instead, because he will eventually find out that you were faking it! After all there is a lid for every pot (Or did I say a pot for every lid?!) You will only find your lid or pot by being your true self.

Hence, if you aren't hard to get… don't be hard to get!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

PS: One month to Valentine's Day. Shout out to my male readers who need to get ready for that! Hahaha- you know who you are!