“We are so OVER, we need a new word for over.” (JK! JK!)

Dear "It" Girl,

Today's blog title quotes the infamous words of Ms. Carrie Bradshaw to Mr. Big after she is caught in a post-adulterous act by Natasha-Mr. Big's other woman- in an entertaining episode during the third season of Sex & The City. The JK part was added by yours truly, because we all saw the movie and know the show between Carrie & Big is far from over.

While some women know they are DONE with their men long before the chronological death of their relationships, many have no clear definition of what actually constitutes a breakup. (I.e. Can we still text? What about the non-refundable plane tickets we have to Cabo?)

Now you may have heard that several relationship experts recommend keeping a break-up broken and not talking to an ex for at least three months after the initial breakup. Let's face it; a lot of couples can't even make it three weeks. (Okay, three days!)

Breakups are tricky stuff, you see. When you still love him, you'll find it hard to believe that some innocent conversations can be detrimental to your well-being. You'll rationalize. You'll miss him. You'll resist change at all costs. Maybe you'll even indulge in the occasional sexing with him. If you broke up with him –still in love-because he couldn't be all you wanted him to be, you are going to still have hope that he will transform into your Prince Charming. Rationally, you know this may take time. But when you are still sweating him, the notion of absence making the heart grow fonder will sound like a foreign language. The lack of clear boundaries can mess with your mind and break your little heart into pieces. It can lead you right back to his bed-a place where you maybe should not be. But then again, maybe he should be the one keeping you warm. Maybe Mr. Wrong can turn into Mr. Right if you can communicate and be equally dedicated to working out your issues. There is going to be heartache either way, and you'll just have to take your pick. It's better to decide on something, anything. I know for a fact this is true! (Okay, unfortunately, I've developed all this expert insight not only from learning through my clients but through my own personal experience. You didn't really think relationship experts were immune to relational dysfunction; did you?!)

All this talk about the heart leads me to a question that was explored throughout the SATC series: Should we listen to the head or the heart? You can learn from the love lives of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. You can learn from your own experiences and you can learn from me. Sometimes it's the heart. Sometimes it's the head. Sometimes it's both.

Sometimes Mr. Bigs really do run to the altar and then profess their undying love. You still believe, huh? I am right there with you. A girl can dream…………….

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT