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Dear "It" Girl,
Since I've created this blog, I have found that men are often the biggest fans of my relationship blog for women! Since I think both my female and male readers can benefit from a man's perspective, I wanted to bring such to this blog by introducing you to a few "It" Boys. (Who says this has to be a girls only club?!)
The first "It" Boy you should know is a twenty something New Yorker named Chris Stokes. He is a Mercy College graduate (with honors!) who majored in Criminal Justice and Psychology. His professional experience is quite diverse spanning the industries of Construction, Accounting, Real Estate, Theatre and Hospitality. In his spare time, he enjoys assisting friends, learning about history, playing sports and motorcycle joy-rides. He is currently pursuing a career in the arts and entertainment fields because of his passion for human expression and as a means of helping others. After Chris reached out to me after finding me online, I met with him and found him to be an objective and realistic individual who could use his writing to assist those who are having a hard time within the dating scene. He will be contributing to this blog in the upcoming weeks, so keep an eye out for his posts! (Yes, ladies, he is single!!)
If you are wondering what a man thinks about some of the biggest dating trends of the twenty first century-such as speed dating- look no further! Chris had a response to my Jan. 31rst post on speed dating, and there is much to be gained from his insight for us ladies!
In a nutshell, Chris' perspective on speed dating:
"Ultimately, I am a firm believer that if you truly know what would make you happy in a partner you will know instantly or within minutes if you have a connection with someone. My take on Speed Dating is that you should keep things in the present and talk about things like current events and/or things that are happening throughout the world etc. If you share similar beliefs and opinions on your topic(s) discuss you can then take things to the next level and get to know the person. Talking about things that are going on within the present can also shed light on an individuals', character, morals and personality without asking specific "hard-hitting" questions."
He does have some reservations:
"Although Speed Dating can be a fun and exciting way to meet other single people, I believe it can only be an enjoyable experience for those who truly know who they are as an individual and what they seek in a partner (looks, character, personality etc...). Consequently, if the persons engaging in the Speed Date don't have an idea of what they desire in a partner then it could make for a loonnnggg three minutes, or worse a horrible experience altogether."
He also agrees with my three bullet points on speed dating. (How sweet!) Chris says:
First Point- "A man who is constantly "looking for the bigger and better deal" will inevitable miss out on important things and you can be certain that if you become the "woman" he chooses it will only be for a period of time. Furthermore, that mentality in a man unfortunately leads me to believe that as a partner you will be considered one of many and not the only one. "
Second Point-"If a guy is stuck on things that just happened a few moments ago it surely is a sign of a person who might be clingy and ultimately a person who dwells on the past. If a guy, or person for that matter can dwell on something so petty that happened moments ago, imagine how he/she would dwell on more serious "wrong-doings" or "bad experiences" they have been exposed to. This may be a quick sign that the person sitting across from you may be an individual who is bitter, depressing, and someone who doesn't let things go, electing to allow previous experiences to fester. Ultimately, the past is your past and not part of the present and future for a reason!"
Third Point-" If a guy cannot stop talking about who he is, what he has done and where he is going in life, the best thing you can do is run for the nearest exit!!! This is a clear indication that the guy is self-absorbed and ultimately shows signs of selfishness. If he can't take a moment to inquire about "you" he is probably not the type that puts other people first thus implying your wants and desires will fall upon deaf ears. "
Amen to that! I appreciate Chris' profound perspective on human nature and relationships. I am looking forward to hearing what he has to say on diverse topics. If you have any suggestions for content, please email me at RachelR2019@gmail.com
Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT
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