Life is short. (Stop talking about stupid boys!)

Dear "It" Girl,

As a writer, I am constantly looking for inspiration for my next blog, article, or book. The most insightful Facebook status I have seen on relationships in quite some time is the inspiration for today's blog entry. It was actually posted by a high school student-My cousin, Rebecca Nidle- and was a direct quote from her friend -Nicole Pescatore-another high school student! It reflects a wisdom of teenage females today that can apply to women of all ages, races, and ethnicities. All around the globe, nice girls, mean girls, and every girl in between can relate to Nicole's quote. She said:

"We spend so much time worrying about these stupid boys .There's so many bigger things to worry about. When we get older, we are gonna look back and think about how we wasted our time on these stupid boys. We spent so much time worrying about them, and not enjoying ourselves. We need to let the past go and move on. The past is not going to come back, and we need to let that go."

Ah, yes, as an "older" girl, I know that feeling all too well. And, yes, you are wasting your time, girls! There is a whole word out there, with plenty of fish in the sea, who can bring you lots more happiness than the one(s) you are stressing over.

Girls talk about boys. It is what we do. We are socialized to place a high importance on relationships. As boys stereotypically bond on the basketball court, we bond from talking about them and analyzing our interactions (and lack of interactions!) with them. We chat in person, on the bus, before lunch, at lunch, after lunch, via phone, BBM, email, and IM. Then at dinner, we bring "him" up again!

In my opinion, all this "girl talk" -which is so natural, fun, and great for bonding us with our female friends- contributes to one of the most common mistake women make in relationships: Making men too important, namely more important than ourselves. This leads to an imbalance of power in romantic relationships. (Yes, he is talking about you to his friends, but do you think he spends half as much as time initiating the conversations about you as you do about him?!) This leads to women giving, giving, and giving and men taking, taking, and taking.

For a relationship to be successful there needs to be an equal amount of emotional investment from boy and girl. (And sometimes, it is actually more ideal to have the guy liking you more!) The secret to getting men to like you as much or more than you like them: Love yourself! Love yourself more than you love them from the very start and you will have them wrapped around your perfectly manicured fingers in no time.

Always remember the past is the past for a reason. If a stupid boy didn't make it into your future, there is a reason! You don't necessarily need to know why. Just know there's someone else out there who's waiting patiently to make it in your future.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

 

n. the past is not going to come back- and we need to let that go. - Nicole Pescatore