“It” Girl On Brief Hiatus!

Dear "It" Girl,

The title of this blog post says it all! I am taking a short break from blogging due to the need to focus on my latest project- my very first book: My FabJob Guide: To Become a Matchmaker. I am very excited to be writing this book which will help those interested in breaking into the exciting field of matchmaking. It will be available as an Ebook and in stores in the near future. As I've been writing compulsively to meet my deadline of March 31rst, while being sure to maintain my full focus on matchmaking and coaching my own clients at Master Matchmakers, I realized I, too, could use the breather I encourage all my clients to take! I invite you as my readers to take that well deserved break you need to prioritize and focus on what you need to do! Remember failing to plan is planning to fail. (And, as I've realized, books don't write themselves!)

You can look out for my next blog two weeks from today- April 5^th. In the meantime, feel free to follow me on Twitter. Username " TheRealLoveGuru" You can email me at RachelR2019@gmail.com with any suggestions you have for upcoming blog entries.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

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He’s Just That Into You: Look for these clues!

Dear "It" Girl,

Do you sometimes feel that men are hard to read? Does it seem that on one day they are all about you and on the next they are barely acknowledge your existence?

If you are dealing with a man who is hot and cold for the long term, my heart goes out to you. It can be incredibly difficult to tell how he really feels even if you think you know him well after you've been involved with him for many months. With the emotionally unexpressive and seemingly non-communicative variety of man, you must look directly at his behavior. This is where the old-actions-speak-louder-than-words-adage applies. Look at a consistent willingness to listen to your worries and an eagerness to do favors and take care of you as a surefire sign of a man who is emotionally invested in the idea of you and him in a relationship. But, be careful about making judgments that negate his commitment to you over failing to do little things-like the dishes-without considering your own behavior.

My "It" Boy, Chris Stokes, has recently shared some insight on this, in response to my January 18^th blog "Men and Dishes" He writes:

"I find often times, it depends how you ask someone to do something. If you come across as demanding and authoritative then a natural response is to show resistance and be defensive. However, asking politely mixed in with a little flattery and flirtation might lead to a pleasant surprise that your man will do the dishes. Ultimately, if you truly have a solid relationship and your partner truly cares about you and making you happy then they will surely do things that will bring about happiness to their partner."

You may be thinking, well, yes of course, a man who wants to make me happy will do stuff for me, but wondering how to know if he's into before you get to the stage of coupledom in which he actually has the opportunities to do things for you-like your dishes.

When it comes to a new guy that you have just met or started dating, it should be relatively simple to gauge his level of interest if you understand the ways in which men reveal their attraction. I am not talking about the frequency of calls and texts here, I am talking about actual clues-from facial expressions to body language- that make it undeniably clear that he's just that into you.

I've recently come across a great article, by Associated Content author, Lori Kremen, "Is He Into You?," that really outlines the major clues of major attraction for you. You can check it out here:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/485115/is_he_into_you.html?cat=41

Hopefully, this will all shed some light on the unsolved mystery of your current man!

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

Life is short. (Stop talking about stupid boys!)

Dear "It" Girl,

As a writer, I am constantly looking for inspiration for my next blog, article, or book. The most insightful Facebook status I have seen on relationships in quite some time is the inspiration for today's blog entry. It was actually posted by a high school student-My cousin, Rebecca Nidle- and was a direct quote from her friend -Nicole Pescatore-another high school student! It reflects a wisdom of teenage females today that can apply to women of all ages, races, and ethnicities. All around the globe, nice girls, mean girls, and every girl in between can relate to Nicole's quote. She said:

"We spend so much time worrying about these stupid boys .There's so many bigger things to worry about. When we get older, we are gonna look back and think about how we wasted our time on these stupid boys. We spent so much time worrying about them, and not enjoying ourselves. We need to let the past go and move on. The past is not going to come back, and we need to let that go."

Ah, yes, as an "older" girl, I know that feeling all too well. And, yes, you are wasting your time, girls! There is a whole word out there, with plenty of fish in the sea, who can bring you lots more happiness than the one(s) you are stressing over.

Girls talk about boys. It is what we do. We are socialized to place a high importance on relationships. As boys stereotypically bond on the basketball court, we bond from talking about them and analyzing our interactions (and lack of interactions!) with them. We chat in person, on the bus, before lunch, at lunch, after lunch, via phone, BBM, email, and IM. Then at dinner, we bring "him" up again!

In my opinion, all this "girl talk" -which is so natural, fun, and great for bonding us with our female friends- contributes to one of the most common mistake women make in relationships: Making men too important, namely more important than ourselves. This leads to an imbalance of power in romantic relationships. (Yes, he is talking about you to his friends, but do you think he spends half as much as time initiating the conversations about you as you do about him?!) This leads to women giving, giving, and giving and men taking, taking, and taking.

For a relationship to be successful there needs to be an equal amount of emotional investment from boy and girl. (And sometimes, it is actually more ideal to have the guy liking you more!) The secret to getting men to like you as much or more than you like them: Love yourself! Love yourself more than you love them from the very start and you will have them wrapped around your perfectly manicured fingers in no time.

Always remember the past is the past for a reason. If a stupid boy didn't make it into your future, there is a reason! You don't necessarily need to know why. Just know there's someone else out there who's waiting patiently to make it in your future.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

 

n. the past is not going to come back- and we need to let that go. - Nicole Pescatore

The He Said/She Said on Women who are Annoying Clichés!

Dear "It" Girl,

When on a first date, if there is one thing to avoid-other than garlic- it is being an annoying cliché! In a world in which there are plenty of fish in the sea, men know that they have their options in terms of dating. They don't have to put up with bad behavior from you when there is another girl around the corner who will treat them differently or be more appealing.

It is to your advantage to understand male psychology, especially the psychology of the particular man you are trying to date! (The good news is, a lot of men are more alike than different in some of the ways that they communicate and see the world. Thus, it should not be toooo difficult to figure your own out!) The idea is to do more of what he likes and less of what he dislikes-without compromising who you are.

One thing nearly all of my male clients tell me is that they don't like to feel like they are on a job interview on a first date. (I.e. Women who do this are annoying clichés!) When women ask things like "Is there opportunity for growth in your career?," men think they might as well just being wearing a sign on their heads that reads "gold digger". (And a lot of women make this mistake!) Now, since you are an "It" girl, I know that a man's career/education level and income-which is often reflective of this- is probably important to you. However, making men feel that it is of primary importance is never a good idea. It makes them think you are after them for their money and not valuing who they are. It makes you an annoying cliché.

Don't believe me and my "She said" version of this story.

Well, here is the "He said". These words straight from the mouth of my male guest blogger, Chris Stokes, in response to my January 29^th blog. Here's his take on the subject:

"I have found that many people especially when they are getting to know someone often refer to the protocol of generic questioning. These questions are not only annoying, but an often time makes an individual feel as though they are being interrogated. In a world whereby one seeks to be the one that "stands out" imposing such generic questions can lead one to believe you are not unique and perhaps rigid within society's norms. The questions that are truly worth avoiding include: What do you do for a living? Where do you see yourself in the future? Where did you go to school? Although these are all important questions, they hinder an individual in their quest to truly get to know the other person. Employment, education and even future ambitions/endeavors are all variables that can be altered and inevitable change if the person so wishes. Not to mention, if you're truly a good listener and communicator these are all questions that will be answered through conversation and open dialogue within time. Coincidently, an individual's character, personality and moral compass are variables that are seemingly constant/unchangeable. In some instance you may be able to tweak such unchangeable variables but never entirely and only if the person truly desires change. Coincidently, many of times we venture into relationships for the wrong reasons which ultimately lead to disappointment and a stigma we carry into future relationships. If you get to know an individual's character, personality and their moral beliefs, this will surely aid in creating a strong foundation to build a relationship off of. Hint: If you don't share the same beliefs, values and morals as your partner you will have a daunting task in maintaining and raising a family because you will always clash on what is "right" and what is "wrong"."

Now ladies, you may not agree with all Chris has to say, but I included his quote because it is helpful for us to gain insight on how men think. It is always beneficial to know about the perceptions and judgments they make from the ways in which you present yourself.

Love, Rachel Russo, MS, MFT